Seems like I’m waiting for a lot lately. Waiting for big things in my personal life. Things that are all tied together.
To explain I have to back up a little. My husband and I are very lucky to have our amazing son. We REALLY know how lucky we are because we tried really hard for him. (Okay, stop giggling, in reality there wasn’t anything that kinky about it. ) Our son was conceived though IVF. At one point we were told that if we had been trying to have a baby even five years earlier there would have been no way for us to get pregnant. I feel really fortunate to live at a time where we were able to conceive know our son.
Now, after saying all that I kind of feel like a brat writing this, we’re trying to have another and I’m impatient. When I got pregnant the last time I though “oh, the next kid will be so easy. We know what we have to do to get pregnant.” Yeah, that wasn’t the case. This time around we’re being thrown a few curve balls and our timeline keeps getting longer and longer. And there’s noting we can do but wait.
As I mentioned we’re now trying for kid number two. Well more waiting than trying. We had a procedure to get sperm in June. I was supposed to start the shots for my end of the deal that same day but the procedure didn’t go as planned and it was decided that my husband should go on medication for three months before we tried again. That put us into October for the actual IVF procedure. Then he went in for a follow-up last week and they told us the procedure wouldn’t be until November now. Not sure how we “lost” another month. Now it’s a game of phone tag with the doctor’s office. My doctors don’t understand why we would need to wait until November either. So now all we can do is play phone tag and wait and hope for October IVF.
On top of all of that we’ve decided to move. We don’t want to move very far but it’s still a production. We love our current house but just want a little more space. Since we don’t HAVE to move we’re being really picky. We basically have a very small area we’re willing to move to – and there aren’t many houses in our price range in that area. So we wait for the perfect (affordable fixer-upper) house to come onto the market. I also have a worry that if we buy a larger house with the though of having another kid and we are never able to have that kid that I’ll always look at those extra rooms with sadness. But I just can’t put my life on hold forever right?
I’m not good at waiting. I’m not good at dealing with things that are out of my control. I’m a doer. I’m a fixer. I’m a researcher and problem solver. When I feel out of control I feel like there’s something reassuring, empowering about this voracious consumption of information. It’s like I’m doing something more than just sitting and waiting. Am I alone?